Nigerian Entrepreneur, Sandra Iheuwa sits with Chude Jideonwo on #WithChude. On this episode, she shared about her relationship with her estranged husband, baby mama drama, callout culture and a husband who didn’t love her.
She talked about reconciliation with her ex, Ubi Franklin, “Life is too short, also we share a child together. We have done a lot of things for each other. We decided to take a lot of things off social media and resolve the issues we had for the sake of our child, and that was what happened which is a very good step. He is doing everything he is supposed to do for his child.”
On why she chose to address her issues with ex-husband on social media, and the call-out culture, she said, “sometimes, some people don’t take things seriously until you speak about it. I believe in speaking about something that really hurt me or something that doesn’t seem right. I realized that in this country, if you speak up about something, people see you as troublesome and I believe in conflict resolution. I see here, if you talk about something that you are not ‘okay’ with, people will say things like, ‘Oh she talks too much’. A lot of people had this view about me until they met me in person, and I used to tell people that social media is not real life. A lot of people judge people based on what they see on social media.” She also reacted to some of the allegations by her ex-husband that she was in the marriage for social media and that he had spent 45 million naira on her wedding, and I confronted him about it. He cheated and he thought I was going to come online and talk about it. So, he went on social media and talked about it. This is a man that met me on social media, I am always on social media, promoting my business and showing myself. He slid into my DM and for me to say that I am always on social media, especially when he was the one asking me to post him on my page. He likes the attention; even when I revealed I was pregnant, he was the one who wrote the caption. In all of that, you still asked me to marry you. Now, I feel like he was just doing that to safe face. Even with all of that I still wanted to make my marriage work, I went back to the house. He didn’t throw me out, I left. Because I was in love with him and I was heavily pregnant and vulnerable, I wasn’t thinking straight at that time. I was like I don’t want to have my baby out of wedlock, I don’t want to bring this child in to this world when I’m having issues with the father, I wanted to make this work.”
Sandra also shared about the pain she suffered, after returning to him, and how her choice to marry him was driven by love and not any ulterior motive. “There was a time I lost it. I really did lose it. I locked myself up in the room, and I was going to kill myself because I was thinking ‘Why is this man behaving like this to me?’ I don’t understand it. I have tried everything possible to try to remedy this whole thing that we’re having but he wasn’t having it because I said he cheated on me. It used to be so painful for me to talk about it, before but I’m healed enough to talk about it because when I found out that he cheated on me was when I went to the hospital. I was heavily pregnant, and I found out he infected me with gonorrhea. It didn’t sit well with me because I have never had an STD before in my life. So, I didn’t know how to handle it. I tried talking to him about it, he came up with different excuses and still didn’t admit it. But he did say he was going to take me to the hospital so we can go clear things up. I think that really got him so pissed off because he didn’t want it to be out there. I had no intention of putting it out there, but he got scared and ran to social media and started saying all that. Sometimes I used to be so mad, ‘why is this man doing this to me’ but now I see that it is a pattern, he did the same to his ex-wife.
“Somebody warned me about marrying him, but when a woman is in love, there’s nothing you can tell her. Love can cloud one’s judgement”, she added.
Watch the excerpt here